On Sudden Change

February 3, 2013 · 1 comment

worry is a misuse of imagination
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I watch it in the kids I work with.

They expect one thing to happen, but there’s a change of plans.

Maybe the bus broke down, or it’s raining, they have the wrong coloured socks on, or Mum put a sandwich in their lunch box, but it’s Tuesday and they always have a savoury muffin on Tuesdays.

Whatever it is, a small change, when unexpected, can trigger a meltdown.

****

For me, it’s more likely to be when I’ve been expecting something to happen, but there’s a disappointing change of plans. Or I get cancelled on at the last minute, or some is running really late and I assume the worst. The worst being they’re dead, the second worst being they’re alive and having fun elsewhere having realised that they hate me and that I’m really annoying to be around. But they’re too weak to make the call. Because it’s black and white, either you love me or you must hate me.

I know that’s how my brain works. Sometimes I go into a sort of shock first when things don’t go right, or I know I’m about to get upset. Or even when there are too many good emotions and endorphins floating around. I might shut down, be slow to process things, get less responsive. “Yeah I’m fine, I’m ok, it’s fine”. The emotions can come later, right?

Shut down, fight, or run.

*sigh*

Yes, I over react. And I’m starting to be more observant on what’s going on. But I’m not really at a point where I can change it. Not yet.

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