Had myself in other knots today…
Trying to see my way out of them
Talk my way out. Puzzle my way through.
Like, how to dig my way out of my unsocial hole.
The one I dug myself into through being unsocial.
The one that saw me not knowing that one of my highschool friends wasn’t just getting married on x weekend,
but that it was the Friday.
And the casual “I’ll see you all tomorrow at the wedding” by one girl stabbed into my guts.
Then seeing the photos online.
Or hearing the thanks-es.
I know I did that to myself.
By withdrawing. Not showing to trivia nights, or other events.
So this weekend. A couple of birthday dinners.
And I was almost in a mess about them
When I’ve RSVP’d and all. But didn’t realised health insurance came out last night.
Checking my account ballance in a panic. Misread it. But then realise it’s ok.
I can still go on Saturday night, still go to dinner. With those people I miss.
Who might miss me.
The other knot.
The one I can’t talk about.
Not here, but it’s still there.
It’s still there.
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