#heyasio don't you need more staff now ? have been lurking and stalking online for years, shall i send an application?
— restless bitchface (@suburp) September 26, 2014
I am writing to apply for the job on Internets Stalker, as advertised in ********* on ********.
As a fan of the Internets, I am a skilled user of mainstream and lesser known stalking services, such as Facebook, Foursquare, luring people to meet me on OKCupid, using my SKILLZ to get their mobile numbers and freak them out, and getting people to reveal themeselves as THREATS TO OUR WAY OF LIFE by monitoring comments and retweets of suspicious images that criticize the Government, like the one below.
— GreensMPs (@GreensMPs) September 25, 2014
Having worked in an organisation with an unwieldy shared drive, I am skilled at using the search bar to track down a file that I SWEAR WAS JUST THERE but someone must’ve moved….
— Nathan Lee (@NathanLee) September 26, 2014
Unfortunately, I cannot get my webcam working, can you help with that?
#HeyASIO I'm about to watch some porn, please don't watch me through my cam on my laptop
— SWAT WILSON (@swat_wilson) September 26, 2014
(Oh and if Senna-link calls, please confirm that this as one of my forty job applications)
The Little Lioness
#heyasio we seem to be missing a minister for science. Any chance you could track them down?
— tina (@tmc071) September 26, 2014