Had a GP appointment today, to renew one of my scripts for my head-stuff.
A doctor I’d seen once before. For some reason I do better with the younger male doctors rather than any other group. I rarely feel under the microscope. Like I can talk fairly freely without feeling like I’m waiting for a hole to be poked in my story. To be told I’m overracting.
So, I go back to those ones. I have a couple of options now at the practice I go to at least.
And a script for my antipsychotics.
Gotta be good for everyone, considering I ran through much of what has happened since my last appointment in November.
Yeah, I’m doing okay.
But okay, all things considered.
I’m constantly tired.
(except for when I’m hyper)
But loving work, and painting my nails bright colours.
Energy isn’t extending to much else
and I’ve been avoiding any self reflection.
Stick with business,
easier that way.
Don’t think about the other stuff
until I find what can be done about it.
You know who you guys are.
I woke up well enough.
With my alarm, 6am, out of bed for a walk.
The sleepiness set back in after that,
battled off with trusty caffeine.
Which sent me buzzing a mile a minute.
Churning through visuals, making up feelings boards, supports for Where is the Green Sheep?, flap visuals for Where’s Spot?
Making appointments, for myself, for work.
Planning out the next few weeks.
Thankful for my Google Calendar.
No idea where I’d be without it!
Hit level about midday. Which was a good thing.
And was productive the rest of the day too!
Sometimes I can’t take a non-blurry picture.
Like when I’m out for coffee with a friend after a rough few weeks.
Her helping to get me laughing,
and telling me that there IS light at the end of that tunnel
even if I can’t, or don’t want to, see it right now.
Even if I feel like I’m running in circles.
Doomed to repeat the same mistakes.
How quickly can one nail polish change colour? :p
Another small step.
Being listened to.
Here comes the next wave.
Morning walk, part of my ritual.
Part of my sanity.
Now adjusted to include an apple or other piece of fruit, to keep my stomach from eating itself before I can properly hit up breakfast.
It would be great if I could stop at one.
A social glass of wine. Sipping slowly, to make a toast.
But my head doesn’t stop me at one.
It goes “oh hey, that’s relaxing, I’m not so freaked out any more by this social situation. Let’s have another!”
But 2 then won’t stay at two for long.
Which is okay when I’m in a great headspace.
And I just become a hyperactive social butterfly.
So many hugs given out.
But it hasn’t worked that way this year.
Too much Emo for that.
I need to step back.
Take hold of that sparkling mineral water with the slice of lemon.
And say no to that first glass of wine.
Because I’m awesome anyway. Don’t need to drink for that to be so.
It all seems perfect one second
Then two seconds later I can’t seem to remember that
Remember that I’m on my way
That it’s not as bad as it was
That I have made progress
That I’m not always this way
And that I’ll snap out of it soon
It’s like the two sides don’t believe each other exists
When she was good she was very very good
And when she was bad she was horrid